No, this isn’t about literary worth of the Mills & Boon novels (MBs as readers refer to them) - there is none. MBs, in most girls’ lives, is a phase that passes as soon as she scores her first real boyfriend. But over the years, I’ve discussed about them quite a few times during idle times when you discuss about the silliest possible things. And now while reading one I was chewing on those discussions. Yes, I haven’t passed that phase, I’m still hooked to reading them and I doubt I’ll ever get over them even when I have kids of my own.
I was inducted into the Mills & Boon reading club at the behest of a guy…..Yes- I’m not kidding…a GUY!!!! I was in the 11th standard then and he was a final year student at Cotton College, Guwahati. The two of us were partners for a TV quiz show and we were making polite conversation while returning- the “how many siblings do you have”, “what are your interests” type. “Reading” was my answer to the last question.
“Do you read Mills & Boon?”
“No, I haven’t read even one.” (At least I didn’t answer “Duh….what’s that?” I knew what he was talking about.)
“What??!!! You haven’t read an MB being a girl???!!!”
“Ummm…..no…..”
“Go back to the hostel, search for one and read it.”
End of discussion- we moved on to other topics. I believe he didn’t mean to be smarmy or lecherous- it felt more like “it’s a rite of passage- you ought to read it once.” I got back, luckily found one the very same day and more fortunately, liked the first MB I ever read. I still remember the story (if you could call it one)- about a blind guy and his trainer.
I’ve had many reactions from various people regarding them. In Bhopal, there were those who read them like any other book including some fanatics- one of my seniors had 500 MBs; those who read them sneakily (covering them with newspaper- and no, it wasn’t to keep the book in pristine condition but to hide their steamy front covers; those who were too prim and propah to read them and looked at the first category with shock & mild horror. And then there were those who hated them- mostly boys.But that’s understandable.
One of the best descriptions of MBs came from a friend of mine. A group of us were going home by the same train. This friend had come to see us off. I and another friend (a guy) went over to a book kiosk on the platform. I bought an MB after making quite a fuss about getting a good one. He asked me what they were all about. I explained it was a romance- he didn’t seem to get it (or rather get the fuss I made about it). The other friend quips from behind us “Arre, ye ladkiyon ka Debonair hai.”
I laughed….though I wasn’t supposed to- “how could you laugh at something even remotely sexual” would have been the general refrain by the college know-alls (remember, this was Bhopal). Anyways, when I came to think of it I couldn’t help but agree. MBs are generally a girl’s first steps to knowing about sex and the like as X rated mags are for boys. Women need to hear the words; men need to see the…..ahem…. “stuff.”
Another funny portrayal was given by another friend- this time a girl who’d obviously grown out of them. It was along these lines (not word-for-word though- blame my memory):
Pg 3- first meeting
Pg 15- first argumentative kiss
Pg 25- “almost” made love
Pg 50- first “bang” (her words, not mine)
Pg 80- Big misunderstanding after everything was going hunky dory for some time
Pg 100- Breakup sex
Pg 130- Confrontation after a bit of mooning around for the love lost
Pg 135- Misunderstanding cleared up (should never have jumped to quick conclusions)
Pg 140- Final “bang”
Pg 150- Epilogue- usually ending in marriage or a baby
Then they also have these types of MBs- the really hot ones (red cover); sweet ones featuring a cute family (pink cover); medical romance featuring doctors and nurses…why the prejudice against other professions? (green cover); modern romance featuring billionaire guys and ordinary girls (blue cover and they have really embarrassing and sexist titles- “The Billionaire’s Virgin Bride” anyone?); the intrigue series (purple cover and my favourite series- a mix of romance and suspense); historical romance (another shade of purple and I hate them…what’s with the m’lord and m’lady business). The hero is, without exception, good looking and perfect everywhere save for a slight streak of chauvinism while the heroines (yucks!! Bad choice of words) are at many times really ordinary. All MB authors are women- that explains it and the fact that they arealways from the heroine’s point of view. What I’d really like to read is a story from the guy’s perspective. Maybe someday…..
MBs do serve some purpose though. I remember reading one which had the protagonists having phone sex and going “Ah…so that’s what it is.” On the flipside though, they are a bit “fairy-tale”ish and paint a perfect picture of love. I know they’ve spoilt me- I won’t settle for anything less that a real life counterpart of the MB hero. But I’d choose an MB anyday over a “filmy” or “fashion” mag, they make me feel good on a bad day and let me escape into a fantasy world for a short time. So I guess I don’t even want to get over them.
